Another Year Passes By

It has been interesting to take this last week towards 2007 with so much happening at the Hotel, or all around me.I'm kind of enjoying it. I couldn't manage to squeez in anytime last night though i really felt like blogging. But here I am. Somehow... I do not like to make fuss about 'I do not have time'. I already talk a lot about it. This post is going to be about something else.

The year is coming to an end. Like all good and bad things. Yet, majority of people suddenly come 'alive' during a flash of realisation... 'lemme enjoy before the year ends' and 'make the most of the last week'. Why don't we make the most of every moment we've. Why do we live a little? Why only a few people can actually live a 'lot' inspite of very little time they get? Again... these are the questions I leave in oblivion... I wish they remain unanswered. I wish people find their own answers.

I could make some 1000 resolutions today. I could break them by next week. I could crib about them too. I could enjoy fulfilling them. I could take one more holiday and sneak out to Delhi.I could sleep for two hours more everyday. I could spend one more hour with my friends and my bacchhas. I could watch one more movie in week...

The irony is that all these wishes are too real. I make sure to fulfill most of them everyday. I wish wishes could just remain wishes and not be ever fulfilled.

That last minute...of every year would end...be spent...by singing.. Aaj jaane ki zid na karo...for that which is destined...decided to go....or sometimes...what is already gone...

That unfulfilled feeling generates million other thoughts and words that root you deeper in a real world...wishing for the unreal.

The X Factor

No matter how much you deny, your exe's always have a special place down there, i could say most of the times. I always felt that I would feel extremely odd and offbeat if I face the person I dated for a while, short of words, no conversations to roll over etc etc...

But honestly, it all depends on the way we take things (i know thats quite obvious) but it seriously is . When I planned to meet one of my exe's recently I never quite imagined that I could connect with the person at the same comfort level which I shared over some years ago (coz of me being me) but then it did happen and it was kinda strange and cool.

Yes we all do start with that 5 mins silence and then the occassional routine que's "How's Life ? Bla Bla Bla, but then once u break the ice its good fun - u can pull each other's leg and not even feel bad or ridiculed about it and then have some great light conversations coz u know that the person anyways knows u in and out, and wont judge u or mark u for whatever u say.

Its nice, its fun, its special and most importantly it rings a bell down there...

This makes me complete this stupid blog with something Carrie mentioned in one of the series :-

There is something known as the x-factor. In mathmatics, we learn that x stands for the unknown, a+b=x, but what's really unknown is what plus what equals friendship with an x. Is this an unsolvable equation? Or is it possible to transform a once passionate love into something that fits nice and easily onto the friendship shelf? I couldnt help but wonder... can you be friends with an x?

Something Uncanny !!!

The public face and the private one - we all have our own set of both but the gap between the two is generally none too great...

Just had a conversation with a friend in the evening who went through something tough... and rather than me giving him advice he told me somthing about me which made my mind...

think ! think ! & think !

why ????

Coz he told me something which was so true and I was'nt just ready to accept it all. This was'nt the first time I was advised on something by him but initially as well on a small trip a while back... How at times u feel that no matter how much u try to hide and run from your feelings - ur friends do get to know it ... (nothing serious though - just something general)

Shutters down, defenses up, am i the one who is inexplicably uncomfortable in my own skin ? Feeling that something is not as it seems... I always thought that I have this air of impenetratability that clings to me but now it seems its on a beginning and for a desire to conceal... But what ???

My past, painful insecurities or undesirable qualities ???

I think he was right when he said that meeting a person whom I last dated is all my call. He knew that I am not the one who can just have sex for the heck of it, I will get attached with him once it starts all over again and though i kept denying it he knew it all and I quite didnt have valid points to argue on the same, but it makes me wonder will I always be so complicated in life and would never ... anways

Am home for a while and really happy, good food, driving the car on full speed on gurgaon roads, and ofcourse nothing like catching up that late nite chai with mom and discussing family issues and miss and remember some gr8 moments of Dad, some of them being the same old ones which we have repeated so many times bfore, but still makes our eyes moist and then we both make an excuse and try to walk off the room and indulge in some other kaaam lol :) (dumb we are !!!)

Am i upset ? Not at all Depressed ? Not at all... but jus think all the time...there's a certain opaqueness that cloaks me all the time, my actions, my intentions everything... my depths which i guard always, but at the same time permitting a glimpse of my heart and mind to my closed ones...

But some answers remain cleverly concealed within my shadowy recesses...

Why do people create such a fuss about everything which happens around us ??? Simply put I am - irritated, bugged and confused...

Cant sleeping with someone be ur own call and not have hundred people comment on how u wanna go about certain things. Why do I feel that I get looked down upon just coz I am not in that swinging and flirting mood...

Cant I just be myself and mould and shape things the way I want them to happen.

I dont wanna get ruled always, I know its next to impossible and really difficult, but atleast lemme try ruling my life for sometime...

Go Goa !!!

Finally my much awaited weekend in Goa is over. Something I was looking forward to like a maniac who has never been for a vacation in his life. Guess work was killin me and I just wanted to fly high and off from the so called happening “Mumbai City Life”.

Why do I always connect the word Goa with heaven… I guess that’s the most simple and commonly used synonym for the city.

Day 1 :-

Reached Goa and the smell of the place itself does like wonders and kinda turns you on, was heading towards the accommodation and was a lil scared that I hope this tantrum divas like the place or I will have to hear it all, but surprisingly no one had any issues and it surely was a decent and a dirt cheap place no doubt about that. Changed in our nice skimpy outfits and off for a nice hearty lunch, followed by some letching on the beach. Our questions and conversations started from here “WHERE ARE ALL THE HOT MEN” ?

Not a single Good looking soul on the beach with a body to die for, so we all started just praising and admiring ourselves. Went for a nice stroll on the beach and oops someone just sends one of these shack guys and asks me for a private party. Oh god !!! Is it in my walk or the sarong I am wearing which passes signals. My Attitude in this Trip – Who Cares ??? Topic closed and shut though from inside wanted to dig it more…

Anyways evening was nice with a cosy dinner at one of the shacks, tried the Fish Tikka (I don’t know the real name of the dish) considering that I am just not a Fish freak really loved it...We went to all the happening places cubana, mambos but what’s up with this stupid fuckin couple entry everywhere, anyways with no choice landed up in this private party and it turned out to be a real blast. The music was headbanging and enough for me to reach on a high and turn naughty.

Day 2 :-

Next morning, was a late brunch kind of thing at this beautiful place, the designer took us to this place by the name of Lila Café and I ate like a pig, The menu goes as follows - 2 glasses of Cold Coffee, One Full Cheese Omelette, some 4 slices of Bread with Butter, and followed by an out of this world apple pie with ice-cream.

The Day passed by us as we just lazed, chilled and relaxed on the beach. Followed by a Banana Boat Ride which the Corporate Guy and the Designer quite hated (cmmon – how can the banana boat be boring ?????)The slut sneaked out for a quickie and we were just whining away time, looking around for someone or somebody to get picked up ???? Not me and I can vouch for that … gosh what was happened to Goa this December and as usual I went into this comparison mode with last year December when I was workin there and used to rush after work to check out hotties in Baga. This weekend the crowd really sucked, thank god we guys were there for the locals to admire some divine beauty…

Anyways later in the evening time to change and hit this happenin place which my sis’s friend recommended - 9 Bar at Vagator and it was really nice and happening. Hippies and Druggies all over, cheap booze and Trance Music but alas the place shuts at 10.

Moved on and hit the Nite bazaar, I just love that place so full of life, colour, food, stuff and men !!! Wrapped it all up in a while and then moved on to this our kinda place in Calangute. Karaoke was good and fun, but after that just could not tolerate it and was bored to death. Designer and slut were having a ball and the corporate guy and me just passing time.

Moral of the Story – Nobody got Laid …

Day 3:-

Got up late, depressed already I am leaving today – Oh No !!! Somebody pls kidnap me here, or can the bus get cancelled or something should happen. Lazy day, nice good hearty breakfast and then just some time pass at the beach. The guys moved on for some shopping but me just wanted to relax and see the beach the maximum I could before I leave. Had awesome Goan Food before could board the bus back and seriously that was the beast meal I had in Goa. It was kickass!!!

In short, the trip was a ball and a good distressing one for all of us – I guess. It did give us a lot to share, know, talk and be comfortable with each other. Back in the groove now but people still ask How was Goa ?

My answer :- “Just a smile and that gleam in my eye”.

Early Morning on Radio

Ajeeb Dastaan hain yeh,
Kahan shuru kahan khatam,
yeh manzeelein hain kaunsi,
na woh samajh sake na hum...

Made my day !!!